Suddenly you blink or the wind b...l...o...w...s or the black crows call. I take a deep breath and ny sweetheart is dead. His spirit has left his body. Frank is 94 years old. Has lived an active and joyful life. His faith and his strength has kept him strong all these years. We had one month shy of 13 years together. They were filled with laughter and conversations that never ended. Their were trials that were difficult to traverse. Their were trials that were agrevating as well as trials that were long and painful. The secret to moving through them was to join hands and pray for increase in our Faith. Then we endured to the end. We emerged on the other side with a better version than we dreamed possible.
I miss him still today which is almost 2 years later. I receive comfort that he was able to remain at home and in our own bed until about 10 days before death arrived on our doorsteps. He seemed to have no pain until the last 17 hours of life here on earth. We were both blessed by that occurring.
We walked side by side through the Valley of Death. Frank was calm and peaceful and knew where he was destined. I stood beside him as he lay in bed to give him what he needed; comfort him; and, given him my love. There were some beautiful and tender moments. Their were times I disappeared to cry in silence.
Today I love him and miss him as if it were before his trials with cancer ever began.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
My Husband's 7.5 weeks with Hospice Care
Since February of 2012 I have watched my husband live his remaining days on earth. His physical body is growing old and he is loosing strength. He is unable to do those things that were a part of his daily routine: grocery shopping, weeding the flower beds; repositioning the water hoses; taking the garbage cans to the curb; and carrying the newspapers to the trash. His doctor appointments; imaging appointments; dental appointments; and riding in the car now require too much energy, too much effort. He keeps his positive outlook about the things that are happening. They are just daily events that must be repeated and lessened over and over again.
The case workers, the RNs, the social workers, the doctors, and the volunteers who came to our home allowed Frank to remain in our home and strengthen his quality of life. I cannot praise The Hospice teams more. There are not enough words. Hospice was with us for 11 weeks and 5 days doing what they do best. Supporting Frank and allowing him to have the quality of life we desired for him at this time. Our neighbors and the members of our Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Royal Oaks Ward as well as family members who were able showered us with their love and service. We were strengthened by the many prayers that were offered on our behalf. How were we able to get through the long days and the long nights. Just like we always do: one day at a time or one hour at a time. Because of love and charity the strength is there to care for one another. Frank and I were both wishing he could have been under their carry earlier but that didn't happen. Would we make the decision to use Hospice again? Yes! 1000 times Yes.
The case workers, the RNs, the social workers, the doctors, and the volunteers who came to our home allowed Frank to remain in our home and strengthen his quality of life. I cannot praise The Hospice teams more. There are not enough words. Hospice was with us for 11 weeks and 5 days doing what they do best. Supporting Frank and allowing him to have the quality of life we desired for him at this time. Our neighbors and the members of our Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Royal Oaks Ward as well as family members who were able showered us with their love and service. We were strengthened by the many prayers that were offered on our behalf. How were we able to get through the long days and the long nights. Just like we always do: one day at a time or one hour at a time. Because of love and charity the strength is there to care for one another. Frank and I were both wishing he could have been under their carry earlier but that didn't happen. Would we make the decision to use Hospice again? Yes! 1000 times Yes.
A swift breeze, a moment in time and my life changes.
Blink of an eye or a gust of wind or the thud of a seagull landing on the roof. Almost instantly I become the main care giver for my sweetheart. Like so many things in my life there is no teaching or practicing. You were front and center and life now goes in a different direction.
Sometimes super critcal, sometimes a blessing and most of the time you were right there in the middle of everything.
It all started with a colonoscopy that couldn't be completed and now it is ending in death. But this time, it is not the results of cancer. This time it is the wearing down of his body after 94 years of hard life and working long hours. We have to deal with the hand we are giving. And this too shall pass. Take time to treasure your times spent with each other and care for each other. God's Blessings are everywhere.
Sometimes super critcal, sometimes a blessing and most of the time you were right there in the middle of everything.
It all started with a colonoscopy that couldn't be completed and now it is ending in death. But this time, it is not the results of cancer. This time it is the wearing down of his body after 94 years of hard life and working long hours. We have to deal with the hand we are giving. And this too shall pass. Take time to treasure your times spent with each other and care for each other. God's Blessings are everywhere.
My Journey with Cancer as a Caregiver
My journey began with a telephone call on Thursday April 21, 2011 from my husband's surgeon.
Frank had surgery almost a year ago to remove a cancerous tumor from his colon and to resection the colon. The surgery appeared good to the doctor and later the biopsies indicate there were no cancer lurking near by.
His first surgery happened almost one year ago on Friday, April 23, 2010. the following Monday Frank's muscles in the esophagus tore from retching. The odds were 3% that he would survive the
emergency surgery to repair the tear; then 4 days in the Critical Care Unit. His medical team and the care he received in Salem Hospital were excellent. Frank did survive and spent almost 47 days in a skilled nursing facility for rehabilitation. The hard part of his next 6 weeks was with the esophageal damage. We really didn't give the cancer any of our concern or our thoughts. There were more critical things to address: how to learn to swallow; what will work and what won't. The final step was to learn to eat and swallow again.. Time and patience were brief and difficult to achieve. Two dilation were performed which gradually opened the passage way first, to the size of a "#2 wooden pencil" and then to the size of a dime. As I understand the average adult passage way is the size of a quarter. Things improved after the second dilation and all the events were stored away in memories. Our life gradually got back to normal and the calendar was cleared of multiple doctor appointments. We enjoyed gardening again. Our children had worked together planting the usually summer annuals and providing colorful and enjoyable hanging baskets for us to view. We threw all of our energy in to adding the plants for our Fall and enjoyed it all.
On our calendar was an appointment with his surgeon December 2, 2011 for a follow-up visit and lab tests. A few of the lab tests were elevated which is not unusual that soon after colon surgery. Appointments were made to have the lab tests repeated first week in April followed in a few days by the year follow-up appointment. The same tests were still elevated and appointments were scheduled for a colonoscopy, another Cat Scan, and a follow-up visit with the surgeon. Those memories that were stored began to surface and all tried to shout at once.
Frank had surgery almost a year ago to remove a cancerous tumor from his colon and to resection the colon. The surgery appeared good to the doctor and later the biopsies indicate there were no cancer lurking near by.
His first surgery happened almost one year ago on Friday, April 23, 2010. the following Monday Frank's muscles in the esophagus tore from retching. The odds were 3% that he would survive the
emergency surgery to repair the tear; then 4 days in the Critical Care Unit. His medical team and the care he received in Salem Hospital were excellent. Frank did survive and spent almost 47 days in a skilled nursing facility for rehabilitation. The hard part of his next 6 weeks was with the esophageal damage. We really didn't give the cancer any of our concern or our thoughts. There were more critical things to address: how to learn to swallow; what will work and what won't. The final step was to learn to eat and swallow again.. Time and patience were brief and difficult to achieve. Two dilation were performed which gradually opened the passage way first, to the size of a "#2 wooden pencil" and then to the size of a dime. As I understand the average adult passage way is the size of a quarter. Things improved after the second dilation and all the events were stored away in memories. Our life gradually got back to normal and the calendar was cleared of multiple doctor appointments. We enjoyed gardening again. Our children had worked together planting the usually summer annuals and providing colorful and enjoyable hanging baskets for us to view. We threw all of our energy in to adding the plants for our Fall and enjoyed it all.
On our calendar was an appointment with his surgeon December 2, 2011 for a follow-up visit and lab tests. A few of the lab tests were elevated which is not unusual that soon after colon surgery. Appointments were made to have the lab tests repeated first week in April followed in a few days by the year follow-up appointment. The same tests were still elevated and appointments were scheduled for a colonoscopy, another Cat Scan, and a follow-up visit with the surgeon. Those memories that were stored began to surface and all tried to shout at once.
My husband and sweetheart
For just a little over two years my husband has been fighting with cancer. The Cancer started as a tumor in the lower part of the colon. He has extcellent medical care every day. In our minds the caregivers were all extraordinary providers and the technicians each had an inventory of skills that they could call on for his care. It started with the colonoscopy, the surgeon, the operating room staff, the digital imagine persons. Then, you add the urologist, the radiologist, emergency room staff, the nurses, and now we have added the Hospice Care staff, including the volunteers. The medical care people could not add any more. They have pulled out everything they new and now we are experiencing his move to near death experience and the final death.
Through out these many months he has had no pain, no nausea and no discomfort. Now his body is failing and he is tired. Sleep is at the top of his desire list. We are thankful that all of this took part at The Salem Hospital, Salem, Oregon. My husband is a wonderful human being. He has received their care and treatment and moved from one to another to another being jovial and charming. Now he finds it hard to let them do more.
Most of his family will be gathering this weekend. His oldest son in North Carolina is not able to come at this time. His sister, who will be the only living sibling is not able to travel. Some of his grand children and his great grandchildren have visited. They have shared some of their memories and the love they hold for him.
It is amazing that as I help him in his journey, I remember the journey of my Mother, and my Father, and my much loved Step-mother. Although their deaths were 30 years before the passing from one to another is very similar not only in my thoughts but also in why we are doing such things and how much the memory will comfort in the future.
Through out these many months he has had no pain, no nausea and no discomfort. Now his body is failing and he is tired. Sleep is at the top of his desire list. We are thankful that all of this took part at The Salem Hospital, Salem, Oregon. My husband is a wonderful human being. He has received their care and treatment and moved from one to another to another being jovial and charming. Now he finds it hard to let them do more.
Most of his family will be gathering this weekend. His oldest son in North Carolina is not able to come at this time. His sister, who will be the only living sibling is not able to travel. Some of his grand children and his great grandchildren have visited. They have shared some of their memories and the love they hold for him.
It is amazing that as I help him in his journey, I remember the journey of my Mother, and my Father, and my much loved Step-mother. Although their deaths were 30 years before the passing from one to another is very similar not only in my thoughts but also in why we are doing such things and how much the memory will comfort in the future.
Circus Comes to Tulsa, OK
Updated April 13, 2012
Memories of the circus coming to my home town, Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Original Photo: National Geographic Traveler, January-February 2009 issue. Name of photographer is not available. I contacted the magazine several times but had no response.
Note added 04/13/2012: My grateful thanks to a reader who searched and searched until she found the photographer of this picture I like so much. The picture was taken in 1963 by a photographer for the AP.
She did a bit more Googling, and found out that the elephant's name was likely Targa. That led me to the below photo archive, and the photographer - Paul Rice. Ta-da! I searched for him within the New York Journal-American archive, and only came up with two additional photos:
http://bit.ly/woDWeu
http://bit.ly/z51EEM
I am delighted that she was able to find this information and shared it with me.
The children sitting on the curb are representative of my size and age when Dad and I began watch the rail cars unload the circus. The elephants were always the first off because they were the ones that raised the tent poles and raised the tents.
Every year our plan was to arrive at the Tulsa Train Depot before the circus began to unload the cars. It was an active, exciting time inside the depot and intensified as we hurried down the stairs to the railroad tracks and the many circus cars.
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